Disagreement is normal in any community association. Owners care about their homes and their money, and they will not always agree on budgets, rules, or projects. What matters is how those disagreements are handled. A community where people can differ without hostility makes better decisions and is a better place to live.
Everyone Sees Part of the Picture
Two people can watch the same event and come away with different accounts of it. Each may be partly right. Other owners, directors, or the manager may know facts that are not widely shared, or may have seen something that others have not.
Different views should be allowed and heard. Board meetings, committee work, and owner forums all benefit when people listen before they respond. A decision made after hearing several perspectives is usually a better one.
Neighbors Are Still Neighbors Tomorrow
It can feel satisfying to send a sharp email or post an angry comment. But in a community association, the person on the other side of the argument lives down the street or across the hall. People can be blocked on social media, but they will still be seen at the mailbox, the pool, and the next meeting.
Courtesy and respect make daily life easier for everyone. A pause before sending a message, or a phone call instead of a heated email, can prevent a dispute that lasts for years.
Opinions Are Not Personal Worth
When an idea is voted down, it is easy to take it personally. But a rejected proposal is not a rejection of the person who made it. If one owner believes the clubhouse needs remodeling and others disagree, neither side is a bad neighbor. They simply see the community's needs differently.
Assumptions about motives should also be avoided. An owner who disagrees with the board is not necessarily trying to harm the association. A director who votes the other way is not necessarily acting out of spite. Good intentions should be assumed until facts show otherwise.
Split Votes Are Healthy
Some boards feel that every vote should be unanimous, and directors who disagree are pressured to go along. That pressure is not required and is not helpful. In most associations, board decisions are made by a majority of the directors present at a meeting where a quorum exists, as the bylaws provide. A dissenting vote is a normal part of that process, and there is nothing disloyal about it.
Directors should feel free to state their views, vote as they believe is right, and then support the board's decision once it is made. More on running productive meetings can be found in
6 HOA board meeting best practices.
Abusive Comments Should Not Be Accepted
Civility does not mean tolerating abuse. Offensive, threatening, or insulting comments, whether spoken at a meeting or written in an email or online post, should not be accepted from owners, residents, or directors. Meeting rules can set expectations for respectful conduct, and a chair can end a discussion that turns personal.
When conduct between residents moves from rudeness to harassment, other steps may be needed. Those are described in
how HOAs can intervene to stop neighbor-to-neighbor harassment.
Consider a Civility Pledge
Many associations adopt a civility pledge or code of conduct as a board policy. Directors and committee members sign it each year, and it may be shared with all owners. A typical pledge includes commitments to:
- Treat others with courtesy and respect
- Listen to differing views without interrupting
- Focus on issues, not individuals
- Refrain from personal attacks in person and online
- Accept decisions made through the proper process
A pledge does not end disagreement, but it sets a clear standard that everyone can be held to.
Help Building a Respectful Community
Living in an association requires healthy interaction among people who do not always see eye to eye. Meeting support, owner communication, and conduct policies are handled for the communities managed by Condominium Associates. To talk about ways to improve civility in your community,
contact us.
